


Five Years.

by Anna (Anna_64386925)



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_64386925/pseuds/Anna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't like things had ended badly, per say.</p><p>No, they hadn't ended badly.</p><p>They just hadn't <i>ended</i> at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. July 2018, Dublin, Ireland

**Author's Note:**

> Simultaneously posted over at KMM37: 
> 
> RPF, Bradley/Colin
> 
> Awkward in-person reunion. Maybe they've kept in close touch since the show ended, or maybe not, or maybe they did for a while but then lost the habit. Preference for them not having previously been together, or maybe just a one-time thing they had the one weird night. But now they're seeing each other again.

"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" Colin pulls the phone away from his ear and winces. 

"Sorry, could you speak up a bit, Katie?" he teases. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I'M GETTING MARRIED I'M GETTING MARRIED I'M GETTING MARRIED, you berk and you'd better be there."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he says honestly, putting the call on speaker and starting to shift through the pile on his desk for a calendar. "So Daniel finally proposed, eh? When's the big day?"

"July 31st. I know you're probably already booked but take one day off and come see me. We're doing the wedding in Dublin, so it'll be close to home for you. You can visit your family, I know your Mum doesn't see you enough."

"She'll never think I come home enough," Colin laughs. "July 31st...We're filming from June 1st, but I should be able to manage a day or two to come see one of my best friends get shackled."

"Brilliant! That means the whole Merlin group's going to be there! You and Angel and Bradley and even Anthony said he'd come."

"Grand," Colin says, picking up his pencil. "So put me down for one, then."

"Oh, Colin," Katie sounds disappointed. "Gareth didn't work out? Last time we talked it sounded like things were going well for you."

"Ah, well, you know," Colin says. "Filming and never having our schedules line up...it's hard, with two actors."

"Daniel and I did it," Katie points out softly. 

"Yes, well, you're a sickeningly cute couple, of course you both made it work. But I'm not ready to settle down yet."

"Well," Katie says after a slight pause, "You'll meet plenty of boys at my wedding. My mate Sean from Trinity, and Daniel's cousin Merle..."

"Merle? What kind of a name is Merle?"

"It's a family name!"

"And yet you got the one with the normal name."

"Give him a chance. Merle's really nice!"

Colin sighs. "I miss you, Katie. I've got to head out now, but congratulations again, yeah?"

"Bye, Colin. Love you."

"Love you too girlie."

\--

It wasn't like things had ended badly, per say.

No, they hadn't ended badly.

They just hadn't ended at all.

\--

"Colin!" Bradley bellows and jumps to his feet to grab Colin in the one-armed bro hug of American footballers. Colin winces. So it's like that.

"Bradley." Colin nods and returns the hug half-heartedly. He smiles at the rest of the table and hugs Angel and Anthony, who look much the same as they did five years ago.

"How have you been, mate? I haven't heard from you! What's with that, eh?" 

Colin doesn't point out that Bradley hasn't attempted to contact him once in the last five years.

"I've been well. Working on some new projects."

"I heard you got an Emmy for that American drama you did! Congratulations, man!" Bradley gives him another back-slapping handshake. Colin tries not to grimace.

"It's been a good few years," Colin continues. "How have you been?"

"Ginger and I are engaged!" Bradley pulls the pretty blonde girl at his side over and holds out her hand so Colin can see the ring. "Just happened! Last night!"

"Oh, that's great!" Colin smiles. "Katie will be thrilled, you know how she is about weddings."

"Yeah, like this one!" Bradley says, gesturing around the room. "Quite a beautiful spread, huh? Did you see the Merlin memorabilia on that wall?"

Colin turns and smiles. There's Merlin's kerchief, and the gauntlet Arthur threw at Tristan du Bois. There's Uther's signet ring and--"

"Bradley? Where's your ring?" Colin asks, looking at Bradley's left hand. Bradley shrugs.

"Took it off. Didn't seem right at a wedding."

Colin nods slowly, and Bradley finally meets his eyes. "Haven't been wearing it as much, actually. It's getting tight."

"He's going to be wearing a wedding ring soon, anyway," Ginger giggles, twisting her fingers into Bradley's hand and rubbing at the callus on his left thumb where the ring used to sit. "That's all the ring he needs, right honey?"

Bradley smiles at her but doesn't reply. Colin feels his stomach churning. 

"Excuse me," Colin says, and gets up from the table. "I promised Katie that I would meet someone."

"Oh?" Bradley asks off-handedly. "What happened to Gareth?"

Colin pauses, surprised. Who told Bradley about Gareth?

"Well, I guess it has been four months," Bradley says, almost to himself. He starts counting on his fingers. "Louis, James, Galen, Olutope, Karl, Ankur...yup, you're right on schedule. The three-month wall holds true."

Anthony looks taken aback and Angel seems to be biting her cheek. Even Anthony's wife looks mildly appalled.

Colin grits his teeth. "Excuse me," he says, getting up and pushing his chair in very carefully. Then he nods at Anthony and Angel, turns his back on Bradley, and walks away.

\--

Colin's nursing a glass of wine and staring at Arthur's red cape when Angel comes over.

"Colin!" Angel's always had an infectious, sunny smile. Colin gives in and returns it.

"Angel."

"I've missed you, how have you been?" Angel softly squeezes his elbow and lifts her glass to clink with his. "Posh, isn't this? Katie always knew how to do things in style."

Colin smiles a little more genuinely now. "Yeah. Daniel'll never have to worry about dressing for red carpets now."

"She's a brilliant actress, but I think Sean was on to something when he put her up for costume with the Tudors," Angel muses, taking another sip of wine.

"Ach, I dunno - " Colin grins even more widely now. "Remember that time she decided to make everyone sweaters for Christmas?"

"Oh god, yes," Angel giggles. "Point. Maybe acting's safer after all."

"Are you two laughing at me?" Katie runs up from the dance floor, her eyes sparkling and the magnificent diamond on her finger catching every light in the room.

"Us? Never," Angel puts on a serious face and nods solemnly, and Colin nearly chokes on his wine, turning away to hide his broad grin. No one does deadpan quite like Angel.

"I see," Katie says, hiding her own smirk. "Come on, now, Colin, you promised. Time to pay the piper."

Colin nods and sighs, squeezing Angel's hand and dutifully following Katie across the room. 

"I'm all paid up after this, right?" Colin says in a low voice as they cross the room. It's slow going because Katie has to stop and greet every Great Aunt, Uncle, and cousin in their path.

"Oh, no," Katie grins mischievously. "You'll most definitely owe me. I predict that by New Years at the latest you'll be erecting shrines in honor of my fabulous matchmaking skills."

"Whatever you say, Kitkat." Colin dodges as Katie swats at him and puts his arm around her shoulders instead.

"You know, when the Duchess of Cambridge got married, she got people to start calling her Catherine," Katie muses. "I wonder if I could at least get certain people -" Katie glares up at him, "-to stop bringing up a ridiculous nickname that no one has used since I left Uni."

"Oh, but you're so sweet," Colin coos. "Like a chocolate bar. And everyone wants a piece of you."

"Berk. I've a mind not to introduce you to Merle after all." Katie lifts her nose up in the air and picks up her pace.

"Merle," Katie says as they approach a tall, good looking fellow with grey eyes and the kind of dark good looks that belong on a Jilly Cooper cover. "This is Colin. He's an absolute brute and if I were you I would stay away from him." Katie crosses her arms and walks off, leaving Merle and Colin alone.

"Call her Kitkat, did you?" Merle grins. 

"Guilty," Colin smiles easily and holds out his hand. "I'm Colin."

"Katie said. Call me Em," Em takes Colin's hand and gives it a firm shake. "Merle's my grandfather; no one calls me that except my mother. And Katie."

"Katie would," Colin laughs.

"So..." The silence stretches a little. Em put his hands in his pockets and laughes.

"How are you liking Dublin?" Colin asks, rubbing one hand across the back of his head nervously. God, it hasn't been that long since he's been on a date, has it?

"It's lovely," Em says, smiling. "I've never been to Ireland before."

"Really? Daniel went to Trinity, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but I was doing a course at UVA at the time." Ah. That explains the accent.

"You're American?" Colin sounds surprised. "I wouldn't have guessed. Your accent..."

"No, no, I was brought up in Camden." Em smiles. "But my dad moved out there when I was young, and I decided to try my hand at the hospital there after Uni. I'm a doctor," he says by way of explanation.

"Ah." Of course. A smoking hot doctor who just happens to be related to Daniel, one of the most charming, posh, down-to-earth blokes that Colin's ever met. Katie's cat-got-the-cream attitude is starting to make a lot more sense.

"Any particular area?" Colin asks, because his mother is a nurse and he does remember some things from school.

"Neurosurgery," Em looks faintly surprised and pleased. 

"That sounds difficult," Colin says, putting his hands in his pockets. God, what is this? He's a grown man and (he's been told) fairly attractive in his own right. Why is he suddenly fidgeting like a school boy?

"I like it," Em shrugs. "Every day is different."

"That's what I like about acting too," Colin says. "No two days are the same, even on Merlin, where we'd shoot a lot of similar scenes. I'm never bored."

"Exactly," Em's eyes twinkle.

"Colin!" Bradley roars up with another backslapping hug-handshake. He takes the opportunity to wiggle his way between Colin and Em before turning around to face Em. "Hello, I'm Bradley," Bradley says, holding his hand out politely.

"Em," Em says, his voice dry and flat.

"Bradley, we're in the middle of something here," Colin says, poking his old friend between the shoulder blades without any remorse. "If you wouldn't mind..."

"Oh, certainly, certainly," Bradley gives Colin his for-the-cameras smile, all teeth and no eyes. "Wouldn't want to deprive you of your next three months of entertainment. Em," Bradley says, turning to face the other man again, "Give me a call around Bonfire night, would you? Katie has my number, and I'd like to put money on the outcome this time."

"You complete arse," Colin says in a low voice, grabbing Bradley by the shoulders and forcing him away from Em. He notices how unsteady Bradley is on his feet, and curses Ginger for letting him get this drunk at a black-tie wedding. "You idiot. Go and splash water on your face or something and drink at least a gallon of water before you come back here, or you'll want to die come morning."

Bradley nods, suddenly looking oddly compliant. "Go find Ginger," Colin says for good measure. "I'm sure she'll look after you." Bradley just keeps nodding. Colin realizes that his hands are still on Bradley's shoulders. He steps back.

\--

"Em, I am so sorry about that," Colin says, approaching the other man and holding out the tumbler of Jameson he's charmed out of the bartender. 

Em gives him a weighted look and then smiles, taking the whiskey. "Cheers," Em says, toasting Colin with the glass. "It's fine, weddings are usually awkward affairs."

Colin smiles back, relieved. "Especially this one. I haven't seen most of these people in over five years."

"That bloke who was here just now," Em gestures in the direction of the doorway, where Bradley is stumbling off with a similarly unsteady Ginger supporting his weight. "When did you two break up?"

"We didn't. He's just a drunk idiot."

Em looks thoughtful behind his glass of whiskey, but doesn't push.


	2. May 2011, Pierrefonds, France

May 2011, 1:03 AM. Pierrefonds, Oise, France

"Colin!" There was a loud pounding on the door, and Colin woke up with a start.

"What the bloody hell...?" Colin wondered, scrambling around for his glasses. "Bradley? What the blazes is going on?"

"Colin...." Bradley whined. "Let me in."

Colin threw off his covers and staggered out of bed, cursing loudly when he stubbed his toe against his suitcase. "Ow! What the motherfucking hell -" He threw the door open and glowered at Bradley.

Bradley looked properly shocked. "Colin! Don't profane mothers like that!"

"Piss off." Colin spat. "Why are you waking me up at one in the bloody fucking morning? I have a 5:30AM call, as you well know."

Bradley looked up at Colin hopefully, bouncing a little on his toes. "I couldn't sleep."

"And you decided to come here and make sure that any chance I had of tolerating you tomorrow went out the bloody window?"

"I just...Bradley lowered his head and looked up at Colin through soft eyelashes. "Was wondering if you wanted to get ice cream. That place with the Irn Bru Sorbet stays open until 2."

Colin heaved a sigh. "Bradley. You did not just come over to my hotel room, spend ten minutes pounding on the bloody door to wake me up - and, by the way, you could have just phoned me, you great big idiot - just so you could ask me if I wanted some fucking ice cream. Which, by the way, at 1 in the morning - FOUR HOURS BEFORE I HAVE TO BE AT WORK - I don't."

Bradley looked hurt. "Fine, then, sorry. You're right. I'll just - I'll go. I'm sorry."

Colin narrowed his eyes at Bradley. Bradley never asked for ice cream. In fact...

"You don't eat ice cream," Colin remembered belatedly.

Bradley rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, no, sorry - Just - Sorry." Bradley continued, taking a step back. "Just - get some sleep. I'm sorry I woke you, I forgot about that early call - damn inconsiderate of me, it was."

Colin snorted. "Quite. Now stay there."

Bradley looked confused. "Where? Here in the hallway - Colin?"

Colin stepped out of his room, having pulled a hoodie and a pair of jeans over his customary sleepware of cartoon boxer shorts and threadbare white t-shirt. He patted his pocket to check for keys and mobile and turned to face Bradley. "Come on, I'm starving. Irn Bru Sorbet it is, although I still say the ferraro rocher is better."

"I don't like ice cream," Bradley reminded him.

"Tough. I want some, and you're coming with me. Chop chop now, Bradley, can't go anywhere without my faithful manservant," Colin imitated Arthur's exaggerated walk and smirked over his shoulder at Bradley. "Come on, you dollophead."

Bradley tried to hide his grin and caught up with Colin as he strutted down the hall.

-

A week later, Colin opens his door the minute he hears the distant sound of shuffling feet coming down the hall.

"No."

Bradley pouts, his lower lip sticking out a little too far above the top one. Colin just shakes his head and wonders if Bradley will ever realize how much he looks like a lost little boy when he does that. Colin's fairly certain it's not intentional, but then again, this is Bradley.

"Bradley, look, it's 1AM, and I legitimately have to be on set at 5:30 for full barmy old man make up. I cannot do this with you again tonight.

"You were in make-up yesterday," Bradley points out.

"Yes, and I nearly screwed us out of an entire roll of film, I was so tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Bradley nods and turns to go, but not before Colin can see his eyes tighten and his lips set in a firm line.

"What's going on, Brads?"

"What?" Bradley half turns around, but keeps walking away from Colin.

"Why're you being like this? You've woken me up at 1AM every night for the past week."

Bradley shrugs. "Just winding down, mate. You know how it is when you're rehearsing."

"Yeah, except you're not usually a night owl. You nearly took one of my eyes out for using a book light on the coach in first year."

Bradley stops walking and turns around to face Colin, but doesn't say anything more.

"Everythin' alright at home?"

Bradley nods.

"Your Dad's doing well?"

Bradley shrugs one shoulder. "Pretty much the same."

"Same good...?" Colin asks cautiously.

"Oh, you know. He drinks. Mum cleans him up. Steph cries. Nat doesn't return our calls."

Colin's eyes soften. "Does Steph want to come out here again?"

Bradley sighs and ruffles his hair. "Yeah, but where would I put her? This is one room in a shitty hotel and I'm never around and we go back to Cardiff in three weeks anyhow. Best if she stays there for a bit, then I'll bring her to me when I'm back in Britain."

"They'll probably understand, if you need a day or two off," Colin says, jerking his head down the hall. "That lot can rearrange some shooting, I probably have enough stuff without you to keep everyone busy, if need be."

Bradley smiles. "Thanks, but best to just get it done. Not much I can do right now, anyway."

Colin nods. 

Bradley takes a step back. "Anyway. Thanks for listening to my sob story, mate. I'll get out of your hair."

"Stay, you great big prat," Colin says before he can stop and think about it. "We'll watch a movie or something; I still haven't made it through the end of Die Hard."

"It's 1:30 in the morning, Colin."

"Well, I'm watching," Colin calls over his shoulder as he stepped back into the room. "You can join me or you can stand out here, listening to Bruce Willis through the door. Or I guess you could go to bed, but where's the fun in that?"

Bradley sighs. "You are the worst mate ever."

"You love me," Colin says over his shoulder with a grin and ducks back into the room. "Hurry up, yeah? I can't just leave the door hanging open like that all night."


	3. June 2011, Pembrokeshire, Wales

July 2011, Pembrokeshire, Wales

"I'll make the tea, Colin," Katie said, whisking the electric kettle out of Colin's hands and dancing around him to the tiny kitchenette at the back of the lounge.

Colin blinked. "Thanks, Katie."

"Oh good!" Angel smiled. "I'll have a cup too, please, Katie."

"I just asked if anyone wanted some!" Colin protested. "Now Katie's making it, you're on board? It's all just Barry's, you know."

"No, it bloody well is not," Bradley said from behind his newspaper. "Katie's tea is divine, and yours tastes like lightly-flavored tap water."

"Ouch." Angel grinned impishly at Colin.

Colin laughed and accepted the steaming cup Katie handed him. "Just as well. Bless you, Katie, your tea's as good as my Mum's."

"It's a special talent," Katie declared, preening. "They don't let you leave Ireland until you can brew a proper cuppa with one hand and pull a perfect pint of Guinness with the other."

"How'd Colin get out, then?" Bradley asked, raising his eyebrows at the three clustered around the kettle.

Angel and Katie started laughing, and Colin smiled. "I shot Jameson instead."

"Ooh, hard man," Bradley swaggered over, folding his newspaper and tucking it under one arm.

"Stop pretending to be American, Bradley, it doesn't suit you," Angel sniped, reaching for the paper. 

"Seriously, how'd you come to brew such terrible tea, mate?" Bradley asked, casually holding the newspaper out of Angel's reach.

"Never needed to, I suppose," Colin shrugged. "Mum and Neil are great at it, and Sarah's tea is just as decent."

"Yes, the ever-elusive Sarah," Katie drawled, lifting an eyebrow at Colin. "When will we meet the mysterious girlfriend?"

"I'm still not convinced she exists," Bradley grunted, fending off Angel's advances before she could tickle his ribs. "You've been dating what, two years?"

"About," Colin said casually. 

"What does she do, again?" Angel asked breathlessly from her perch astride Bradley's back, still grabbing fruitlessly for the paper.

"She's a journalist," Colin supplied.

"What?!?" Katie, Angel, and Bradley all chimed in unison, staring at Colin.

Colin placidly sipped his tea and shrugged. "What? It's just a job. She writes the obituaries."

"Journalism isn't just a job! Especially not with journalists who date actors!" Bradley looked aghast.

"Obituaries...isn't that arts and lifestyle?" Katie asked faintly. "Colin, she knows you're an actor, right?"

"Of course!" Colin looked affronted. "Look, we don't let it affect us."

"It must be fine. Calm down, you two," Angel said admonishingly, gesticulating with her arms and leaving Bradley the job of balancing her. "They've been dating two years, Colin must have a better idea about it than we do."

Colin inclined his head in thanks and took another sip.

"It's really fine," he said when the teacup ran dry. "Sarah doesn't interfere with my work, and I don't interfere with hers. We love each other, we get along well, it's all fine. But that's why she doesn't visit. I don't want to place her in an awkward position, and she doesn't want to create any problems for me with PR or production."

There was a beat of silence.

"Well," Katie said, straightening up from her position against the counter and smoothing the back of her skirt. "That sounds quite sensible. When will you see her, Colin? Surely you don't have to wait until you're back in Belfast?"

"No, I'll fly her into Cardiff the next time we get more than two days running," Colin said, putting his cup in the sink and stretching. "She's at The Irish Times in Dublin right now, it's not far."

"The IT! That's quite impressive, Colin, well done Sarah." Katie complimented.

Colin smiled. "She's quite good at what she does."

"She must be proud of you," Bradley said.

"Aye. As I am of her," Colin said agreeably, smiling at Bradley. "The best kind of relationship, in my opinion."

Bradley clenched his teeth and forced himself to smile at Colin. "Yes."


	4. October 2011, Cardiff, Wales

"And then Joe said - Colin? Colin, are you listening to me?"

Colin looked up from his hot chocolate and blinked at Sarah. "Of course I am. Sorry. What did Joe say?"

"Colin!" Sarah slapped his arm playfully. "Just buy coconut milk and keep it on set if you miss chocolate so much!"

"Oh, but nothing's like this," Colin moaned theatrically and took another swig from his mug. "I don't know how they do it, but there's something magical about the drinks at the Student Union. I'm just hoping whatever they've put in this is legal."

"Colin," Sarah laughed. "You're terrible."

Colin smiled and put his arm around his girlfriend as they continued walking down Park Place.

"So, how's things?" Sarah asked, pulling the hand holding Colin's mug closer so she could steal a lick of whipped cream.

"Things are fine," Colin said, handing Sarah the mug so she could eat the rest of the cream off the top. "We've still got five more episodes to film, give or take, and Angel had to take off for a couple of days because her cousin suddenly went into labor, but I think we'll make up the time just fine. Julio's back from the states, so at least outdoor lighting will be back up to snuff again."

"How's the baby? Did Angel bring back pictures?" Sarah asked. She handed the mug back to Colin, sans whipped cream, and swiped her tongue out to lick the corner of her bottom lip.

"Sweet, I suppose," Colin said. "Like all babies."

Sarah smiled and leaned a little further into Colin. "Gran's turning ninety next month. Will you be able to come up?"

"No, I'm sorry Sarah, but I can't," Colin said regretfully. "I'll come see them all when I'm next in Ireland, I promise."

"The whole family's going to be there," Sarah said with a sideways pout. "My mum, Berta, all my cousins from England..."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Colin said, kissing the top of Sarah's dark head. "I'll arrange something for the break, I promise. I'll even ask your mum to help."

Sarah snorted. "Best of luck."

"Oh come on," Colin protested. "I thought your mum liked me now!"

"That was before you had the gall to date her baby girl for two years without even hinting at a proposal."

"Well..." Colin's mouth puckered like he had just bitten into a lemon. "I'm only 25."

"Mum was 18 when she married Da. Berta and Charlie were 22."

"Shit. Sarah, you know I can't do marriage right now," Colin looked sincerely uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I love you, but my work just demands so much..."

"Relax, Colin," Sarah said. "I know. You've said it all before."

Colin tightened his arm around Sarah's shoulders but stayed silent. Sarah looked up at Colin and unsuccessfully tried to meet his eyes.

"Joe said that there might be a staff position in features opening up in September," Sarah said after a few beats of silence. "Apparently Ernie's wife got a place at Oxford, so he and the baby are moving there to be with her."

"That's great!" Colin said, smiling warmly down at Sarah. "You'll be a shoe-in."

"Joe said he would put in a good word for me," Sarah said placidly. "And it'd mean a lot more travel, so I might even be able to see you more often. I know it's not easy for you to get up to Dublin."

"That would be really nice." Colin pressed a kiss onto Sarah's hair.

"Col! Hey, Colin!" Bradley ran up with a hand raised in greeting, slightly breathless. Behind him, Angel and Katie could be seen strolling leisurely down the sidewalk.

"Oh, hi," Colin looked surprised at seeing Bradley & co. in Cardiff. "What's up, mate? I thought they had you filming with Angel and Tony all day."

"Busted stage light," Bradley explained. "The whole cast got the day off while the crew sorted it out. The three of us decided to come up here and meet the famous Sarah."

"Hi," Bradley turned towards Sarah and held out a hand. "You must be Sarah. I'm Bradley. It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise!" Sarah smiled widely and shook Bradley's hand. "Colin talks about you three so much, I feel like I know you already."

"Same," said Katie, who had caught up to the trio after failing to tow Angel away from a nearby Costa Coffee. "I'm Katie. It's so nice to meet you!" Katie bypassed Sarah's proffered hand and went in straight for a hug.

"Lovely to meet you as well," Sarah laughed, hugging Katie back.

"Let's go get acquainted," Katie suggested, pointing to the coffee shop where she had left Angel. "It's warm, and we can chat a bit."

"Lead the way," Colin said, sweeping his hand out.

Katie acquiesced, and the foursome stomped across the icy street towards the cafe.

"So Sarah, tell us about yourself," Bradley said, opening the door to the shop and ushering her inside.

"Well, I'm a budding journalist," Sarah began, pulling off her gloves and blowing on her hands to keep them warm in the entryway. "I do fact-checking for the Irish Times in Dublin and write the occasional obituary when someone important enough to need one dies."

Bradley laughed and helped Sarah out of her coat. Colin turned his head so neither of them could see his smirk.

"That sounds fascinating. Do you enjoy fact-checking?"

"It's a job in my field," Sarah said mildly, taking her coat back from Bradley and hanging it up on the coatrack herself.

"I can respect that," Bradley continued, nodding with a look of intense concentration on his face. "And I'm sure you're an excellent fact checker."

"Oh yes, I'm the best in Ireland," Sarah said, nodding seriously along with Bradley. Colin bit gently on one knuckle, his head turned away. Sarah gently stepped on his toes to remind him to behave.

“So how long have you known Colin?” Bradley asked, oblivious to the shared look of amusement passing between Sarah and Colin.

“Since I started kicking him out of bed,” Sarah laughed, taking Colin’s hand and pulling him over to the tiny table where Katie sat. Bradley spluttered and Katie laughed.

“Did you grow up together, then? Or is this a tale from Uni?” Katie asked, eying their joined hands with a fond smile. “Colin’s never told us the origin story.”

“We both grew up in Armagh,” Colin explained. “Our mums are acquainted. Sarah and I used to go on these Gaeltacht immersion trips with a few of the other kids in our area.”

“Long weekends of nothing but Irish,” Sarah groaned. “And I’m terrible at languages.”

Katie laughed. “I did a summer in Galway as a child. Once was enough.”

“Well, Colin managed to sneak in some whiskey one night, and of course he got tipsy on barely a mouthful,” Sarah began, laughing at Colin’s pout. “Shut up, Colin, it’s a good story.”

“I was twelve!” Colin protested. 

“Anyway, Colin here tried to climb into _my_ sleeping bag, thinking it was his. Mind you, they separated the girls and boys on these trips, so I’m not sure how he made it into our room instead of his own,” Sarah giggled. “Luckily I was awake enough to recognize him.”

“You still screamed,” Colin pointed out. 

“You wouldn’t share your flask with me.”

“You were eleven!”

“Exactly.”

Katie laughed again at the besotted looks Sarah and Colin were exchanging. “You two are just adorable.”

Angel came up at that moment with five coffees balanced precariously on a cardboard tray. “Hi! You must be Sarah! I’m sorry I didn’t ask what you wanted, but it seems their espresso machine is broken. I hope you like plain coffee!”

Sarah laughed and stood up to take a few of the drinks out of Angel’s hands. “I do. It’s so nice to meet you, too, Angel. Colin’s told me so much about you.”

“Thanks,” Angel said as the tray and drinks were taken out of her hands. Bradley passed her a cup, and Angel took a deep drink. “Mmm. Ambrosia.”

“Angel’s a coffee addict,” Katie explained. “The caterers have taken to just giving her the beans rather than deal with her knocking around the tent at 6 in the morning.”

“They’re so slow about getting the coffee up!” Angel protested.

“I think at this point they’re just scared of you,” Bradley teased Angel, finally drawing his eyes away from Sarah and Colin.

“I am very scary,” Angel nodded seriously, deliberately making her curls bounce and frizz out in a look reminiscent of an outraged poodle. “Downright terrifying.”

The whole table laughed at her antics, and Angel smirked and huddled around her coffee cup, bringing it to her face to inhale the rich scent. 

“So, Sarah, tell us more about you,” Angel said sincerely after taking another long draft of coffee. “Colin barely says anything.”

“Oh really,” Sarah elbowed Colin and turned to narrow her dark eyes at him. Colin gave her a look of wide-eyed innocence in return. 

“Well, as I was telling Katie and Bradley, I’m a journalist,” Sarah began, taking a sip from her coffee cup. “Colin and I have known each other since we were kids, as we both grew up in the same small community in Ireland. We’ve been dating two years, ever since I left Uni and came to work in Dublin.”

“Oh, okay,” Angel said, nodding amiably at this barrage of information.

“Sarah’s a fact checker,” Bradley interjected, having returned his gaze to Colin and Sarah’s linked hands. “And she writes obituaries.”

“Not that many obituaries, thankfully,” Sarah said, smiling again. 

“She and Colin met when Colin climbed into her sleeping bag on a school trip,” Bradley continued, not looking at Angel. “Isn’t that adorable, Angel?”

“Yes, Bradley, it is,” Angel laughed, looking curiously at Bradley. “So, what have you lot been doing in Cardiff? Anything interesting to see?”

“We’ve mostly been walking around the campus,” Colin said, looking at Sarah for confirmation. “Sarah went to Uni here, so she knows the place well.”

“I’ve been checking out all my old haunts,” Sarah agreed. “But if you want to see something, the National Museum’s lovely. And the Sherman has their Christmas production on right now. We might be able to catch a matinee.”

“Oh, lets,” Angel said enthusiastically. “I love watching things acted by people who aren’t me.” 

“I’ve heard lovely things about the Sherman,” Katie agreed, getting up and collecting empty coffee cups. “Let’s go see it.”

Bradley quickly tossed his empty coffee cup at Katie and grabbed Sarah’s coat before she could reach for it. “Lead the way, Sarah. You’re the only native Uni student here.”

“Hey!” Katie protested, but Bradley ignored her.

“Come on,” Katie said to Angel. “Let’s go before Bradley tries to kidnap Colin and Sarah.”

“They are very kidnappable,” Angel agreed as she watched Sarah slip her hand into the back pocket of Colin’s jeans while Colin placed his arm around Sarah’s shoulders. “She’s so tiny and adorable.”

“Mmm,” Katie murmured, watching Bradley as he forced another blinding smile on Sarah as she and Colin preceded him out the door of the coffee shop.

“Poor Bradley,” Katie said softly.

“What?” Angel asked distractedly.

“Nothing. Let’s go.”


	5. December 2011, New Forest National Park, England

“What are you working on?” Bradley asked, coming up behind Colin and resting an elbow on his shoulder. 

“Just some character studies,” Colin said, sitting up and stretching. He tucked the well-worn leather journal into his jacket pocket and placed a pencil behind one ear.

Bradley smiled. “You’ve got to show me how you do that one day.”

“What?”

“Spend so much time in Merlin’s head without going completely nuts. Arthur and I can only manage a few hours a day.”

Colin smiled. “Merlin and I have a special bond,” he boasted.

“Yeah, you’re both daft,” Bradley said.

Colin grinned. “Takes one to know one.” 

Bradley reached over to ruffle Colin’s hair and swung one leg over the bench to straddle it and face Colin.

“I’ve actually been doing some thinking on that,” Bradley said after a few moments of silence. “How Merlin’s changed so much this season.”

“Well, he’s a man now,” Colin observed. “When we started this series, he was all potential and naïveté. Now he’s experienced; he knows more about the consequences of magic and his own abilities.”

“And he’s grown more ruthless,” Bradley observed.

Colin smirked. “That bit’s fun to play.”

“Yes, I can see how that would suit you,” Bradley said dryly. Colin laughed.

“Do you ever write, Col?” Bradley asked abruptly. Colin shook his head.

“I appreciate good writing, obviously,” Colin said seriously. “But for me, I get a lot more satisfaction out of living in a character’s head for a while, figuring out how to make my body and my mind work together to tell their story. I know a lot of really amazing actors who do write, though.”

Bradley nodded, his eyes a little unfocused.

“Have you been writing something, Bradley?” Colin asked, turning to mirror Bradley’s position on the bench and leaning forward, his hands braced on the seat.

“Nothing really,” Bradley said, biting his cheek against the blood threatening to suffuse his face. “Just thinking about it right now.”

Colin gave him an odd look. “You’ll show me something soon, right?”

“Sure,” Bradley nodded, cheek held firmly between his teeth.

Colin looked at him appraisingly. “You’d better. Or I’ll sic Katie on you.”

Bradley laughed and held up his hands in mock horror. “Oh, no! Not Kitkat!”

“And I’ll tell her you called her Kitkat,” Colin threatened.

“Christ, all right!” Bradley exclaimed. “Oops. I mean – sorry,” Bradley looked guilty.

Colin just laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not militant, you’ve heard me swear plenty.”

“Yeah, but not – just, sorry.”

“So, do you have plans for the holiday?” Colin asked, quickly changing the subject before things got even more awkward.

“Taking Steph up to London for most of it,” Bradley said, pulling his sunglasses over his face. “Might try to find Nat, see what she’s been up to. You?”

“Seeing family. And I promised Sarah I’d look in on her Gran,” Colin grimaced. “Her whole family’s coming up for Christmas, it’ll be hellish.”

“Oh, come on,” Bradley said, nudging Colin’s shoulder. “Surely they’ll be your family too one day? You’ll have to get used to them.”

“Hmm.” Colin murmured non-committedly.

“You two are adorable together,” Bradley said, grinning widely. “I expect a wedding invitation, by the way.”

“What? No, we’re – we’re not there yet.” Colin bit out the words, not looking at Bradley.

Bradley raised his eyebrows. “Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” Colin said firmly, staring down at the bench. “Sarah’s just in a different place than I am. I love her, but we’ve got some things to sort out.”

Bradley looked concerned. When Colin didn’t say anything more, Bradley swung both his legs to one side of the bench, flung an arm around Colin, and proceeded to apply a noogie worthy of the most clichéd boarding school hazing rituals.

“Excellent!” Katie called over from the catering table. “Brilliant! The fans will love that, I’ll have to suggest it to production!”

“Oh, see, look what you’ve done,” Colin complained, shoving Bradley off and trying futilely to smooth down his hair. “It’ll be all over the script by tomorrow.”

“Ah, let them,” Bradley said casually. “Now tell Auntie Bradley what’s bothering you.”

“As disturbing an image as that is, I’m really fine.” Colin began laughing at the thought of Bradley in a flowered apron and quill cap. “But if this is your way of hinting at a change of outfit for yourself, Bradley, you know I’ll be nothing but supportive.”

“Shut it,” Bradley said playfully, putting his arm around Colin’s shoulders again. “No, really, explain. Something’s not right between you and Sarah.”

“Bradley, honestly,” Colin started complaining.

“No, no, no, you’ve been my sympathetic ear for too long, it’s time I started cashing in all the emotional baggage I’ve lent you.”

“I thought that was mine to cash in,” Colin complained.

“You’ve been hoarding too long. Time to share.”

Colin ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “It’s nothing. Sarah’s amazing, and our families get along decently, and we’ve known each other ages…”

“But?” Bradley prompted, pulling his arm a little tighter around Colin’s neck.

“But…well, nothing, I suppose. Nothing tangible. Just, when I picture being with someone for the rest of my life, it’s not Sarah.”

“Are you in love with someone else?” Bradley asked with surprising softness. Colin shook his head.

“No, it’s not that,” Colin twisted his hands in his lap, staring down at them. “It’s just – I can picture being married, you know? I can picture the whole dog and kids and house in Fairview and all that – and I can picture them with Sarah. And – ” Colin’s face twisted into a grimace. “I don’t want that. I don’t want a wife and two kids in the suburbs. Maybe someday, but I just – I can’t feel good about that right now.”

Colin looked up at Bradley, a hint of desperation in his eyes. “Thing is, Sarah’s _ready_ for all that. And I’m just – not. And I don’t want to break her heart.”

Colin closed his eyes. “Anyway. Not your problem. Sorry, mate, it’s just something I’ve got to discuss with her over the break.”

Bradley tightened his hold on Colin’s neck in an almost-but-not-quite hug. “I’m sure it’ll work out,” Bradley said softly. “Just be your normal charming Colin self, she’ll forgive you in time.”

Colin sighed and sagged a little against Bradley’s arm. “Yeah. I hope so.”

“Come on, lovebirds!” Angel called. “Tea! And more importantly, coffee! In the catering tent, now!”

“Coming!” Bradley and Colin called back in unison. Bradley pushed Colin to a standing position with a rough jolt between his shoulder blades, then stood up himself and stretched.

“Well, at least you’ll always be able to count on some things in life,” Bradley said, gesturing to where Angel was making disturbingly content humming noises over her flask of coffee and crooning softly. “My precious…”

Colin laughed and elbowed Bradley before starting up the hill.


	6. February 2012, Anglesey, Wales

“This is because of Bradley, isn’t it?”  
  
“Sarah, honestly, no,” Colin ran a hand through his hair and continued pacing around his small trailer. “I told you, it’s got nothing to do with anybody else. It’s just _me_.”  
  
“Bollocks. You’re in love with someone else.”  
  
“No. I’m. Not.” Colin gritted out, feet planted to the floor of the trailer and his hair sticking up in all directions. “I am not bloody in love with someone else. I would have _told you_ if I had fallen out of love with you. It’s just not our time.”  
  
“So, what? You want to wait a few more years? Colin, we already talked about this ages ago, you know I said I could –“  
  
“Yeah, all right, we talked about it,” Colin spat. “But you didn’t _listen_ , did you? You didn’t realize that when I said I didn’t want marriage, I didn’t mean right now, I meant _ever_!”  
  
Silence followed this pronouncement. Colin could see a pair of horned larks hopping about outside, leaving tiny, invisible footprints in the snow.  
  
“And you – you’re _ready_ , Sarah. And I can’t keep holding you back like this.”  
  
“This is the worst ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, I have ever heard, Colin Bearnárd Morgan. You’re _holding me back_? What is this rubbish?”  
  
Colin sighed and resumed pacing.  
  
“I love you, Colin. I have always loved you, ever since we were thirteen and realized that those Gaeltacht trips were good for more than just immersion. I have loved you so much longer than you’ve loved me.”  
  
Colin squeezed his eyes shut. “Maybe you’ve always loved me too much.”  
  
A beat of silence. Then –  
  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!? Colin, are you telling me you never loved me?!?”  
  
“No, of course I loved you! I still love you. I just can’t marry you.”  
  
Colin took a deep breath. “And this isn’t a ‘I can’t marry you right now’ speech, Sarah. This is an ‘I can’t marry you. Ever.’”  
  
Colin could hear Sarah’s hitched breathing over the phone.  
  
“Oh fuck – look, don’t _cry_ Sarah, you know I could never bear that. This is why I didn’t want to talk over the phone!” Colin exploded.  
  
“It’s nothing you didn’t say over Christmas,” Sarah said thickly. “I just…I thought maybe some time might –”  
  
“I am so sorry,” Colin said sincerely. “I love you so much. You’re – you’ve been my best friend for so long.”  
  
“Yeah, well,” Sarah took a gulp of fresh air and cleared her throat. “Well, I can’t promise anything, but – maybe give it a little while and we’ll see. Goodnight, Colin.”  
  
“Ring me if there’s anything – well, please ring me, Sarah. If you can.”  
  
“Right. Goodbye.”  
  
Colin put his phone down and pressed the pads of his fingers against his eyes. That had been so much worse than he was expecting.


	7. March 2012, California, USA

“Aww, mate, I’m sorry,” Bradley rubbed the back of his neck and pulled his sunglasses lower over his face. “That’s complete bollocks.”  
  
“It’s fine,” Colin said, mimicking Bradley’s movements. “It was a long time coming.”  
  
“Still. That’s the rub of it, isn’t it? When you’re with someone that long, you’re not just together, you’re friends.”  
  
“Yeah.” Colin toyed with the football at his feet morosely. “Fancy a bout?”  
  
“All right.”  
  
Colin kicked the football behind his right ankle, lightening quick, and darted after it towards the hollow rosemary hedge on the other side of the dry field. Bradley tore after him.  
  
“Boys,” Katie sighed, fanning herself with her hat and pulling her sunglasses up higher. “Gods, it is unseasonably hot here!”  
  
“It’s California, Katie, what’d you expect?” Angel asked from her perch on top of the picnic table. “Gosh it’s sunny. D’you think the boys would notice if I started working on my tan?” Angel looked down at her short-sleeved shirt, then eyed the boys speculatively.  
  
“Don’t be daft, we’re here for an interview.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s not until tomorrow, is it? And in the meantime we’ve got this lovely garden all to ourselves…” Angel plucked at the hem of her t-shirt and peered around her.  
  
“On your own head be it,” Katie said, lying back. “But if you’re not going to use it, give me that shirt. I don’t want to burn.  
  
“Cheers.” The shirt flew over Katie’s head, landing neatly in her lap.  
  
Angel spread herself out on top of the picnic table and sighed. “That’s nice. Why do I live in England, again?”  
  
“Because you love your family and the west end and smoky bacon crisps, none of which are available in the U.S.”  
  
“Oh, right.” Angel was silent for a few seconds. “I suppose it would be hard to live without bacon crisps.”  
  
“Yes!” There was a whoop as Colin scored another goal. “Morgan two, James zero!”  
  
Bradley let out an irritated huff and picked Colin up by the waist, throwing him carelessly over one shoulder.  
  
“Foul!” Colin shouted, ineffectually pushing Bradley away. “Manhandling your opponents does not count as defense!”  
  
Bradley just grinned and started dribbling the ball towards the other side of the yard.  
  
“Bradley!” Colin thumped his fists on Bradley’s back. Bradley ignored him.  
  
"Right, you asked for it." Colin reached over and twisted one of Bradley’s ears. Bradley howled and dropped Colin like a sack of lead, clutching his ear.  
  
“Oh, stop whining, you big baby,” Colin said crossly. “I didn’t hear you make a squeak when Julio accidentally ran that cart over your foot, and now you’re making a fuss about a twisted ear?”  
  
“You bastard, Morgan,” Bradley rubbed at his ear, which had bypassed red and was going straight to maroon. “That’s going to leave a mark.”  
  
“No it isn’t, you idiot,” Colin said half-affectionately. “Come on. There’s bound to be some ice in the kitchen, not that you really need it.”  
  
The boys walked towards the house, still squabbling. Katie looked after them, one eyebrow raised so high it could be seen over the rim of her sunglasses.  
  
“What?” Angel asked, looking over at her friend. “It’s just Brads and Colin. They’re always like that.”  
  
“Angel, you’re half naked and neither of them is blind. But I don’t even think they’ve noticed.”  
  
Angel shrugged. “Well, Bradley’s in love with Colin and Colin just got out of a long term relationship.”  
  
Katie choked. “Bradley’s in love with Colin?”  
  
“You knew! You must have known. He’s not exactly subtle, is he?”  
  
“Well, no, but…” Katie bit her lip. “Poor Bradley.”  
  
“It’ll be fine,” Angel said nonchalantly. “I’m sure Colin’ll come round.”  
  
Katie looked over her shoulder at Angel, who was lying flat again. “Angel, are you sure Colin’s bi?”  
  
“What? Oh, I think so,” Angel said, looking completely unconcerned. “I mean I’ve never asked, but…well. Don’t you think?”  
  
“I…I don’t know,” Katie said slowly. “He’s very hard to read.”  
  
“Oh, well,” Angel shrugged. “Some things are just meant to be.”  
  
Katie looked over at the sliding glass door where Colin could be seen rubbing ice into Bradley’s hair. “Yes. I suppose so.”


	8. March 2012, California, USA: Day 2

_March 2012, California, USA, Day 2_

“Colin, help me with this hooligan, would you?” Katie panted, shoving a giggling Angel through the door. Angel tumbled head over heels and landed, still giggling, on the floor of the foyer.

“Blast it, Katie, you know she’s a lightweight,” Colin said, grabbing one of Angel’s arms and pulling gently. “Come on, Angel, up you get.”

“Colin, Colin, Colin –” Angel grasped Colin’s forearms and pulled his face down close to hers. “Colin – I saw Aithusa!”

“Oh shut up,” Katie grimaced, tugging on Angel’s other arm. “Colin, there was this girl at the club tonight with platinum blonde hair – a real ice princess – and Angel kept following her around, calling her Aithusa!”

“What?” Colin looked amused. “Angel, you know Aithusa’s not real, right?”

“Colin, it was AITHUSA,” Angel said, her eyes going round as saucers. “I saw her. She’s real! And she’s perfect, Colin.” Angel slumped back onto the floor with a dopy grin on her face.

“Egads!” Katie threw up her hands in despair. “Let’s just leave her here, Colin, I’ve had enough for one night.”

“Cheers,” Colin said, grinning down at Angel. “I’ll get Brads to help, he owes Angel a few.”

“Just make sure he takes pictures,” Katie threatened before stomping up the stairs to her room.

“Bradley!” Colin called. “Your queen awaits you!”

“What?” Bradley threw open the door to his room and stumbled out, rubbing his eyes. “Col, what is it?”

“Angel. She’s drunk and I’d rather not try to forcibly lift her again,” Colin said. 

“Are you calling me fat?” Angel’s eyes welled up with tears, and her lower lip trembled.

“What? Oh, of course not, Angel darling. Just – you’ve got sharp elbows,” Colin said.

Bradley winced in sympathy. 

“Oh,” Angel was all smiles again. Then she caught sight of Bradley.

“Bradley!” Angel jumped into Bradley’s arms. Bradley stumbled slightly before catching himself and shifting Angel to carry her bridal style.

“Bradley, I met Aithusa,” Angel said seriously, putting her arms around Bradley’s neck. Bradley readjusted his grip and looked down into Angel’s face.

“Really?” Bradley quirked an eyebrow. “And what did Aithusa look like?”

“She had blonde hair and big grey eyes and – oh! She looked like Draco Malfoy!” Angel said suddenly, sitting up in Bradley’s hold and almost making them both fall over. Bradley rolled his eyes.

“Really?” he asked politely as he made his way up the stairs to Angel’s room.

“Yes! And she had this great accent and – oh!” Angel deflated. “I forgot to ask for her number.”

Angel turned watery eyes on Bradley. “Bradley, how will I ever find her again?”

“I’m sure if it’s meant to be, you will,” Bradley said, carrying Angel over to her bed. Colin followed him inside and began turning down the covers.

“But I love her, Bradley! And now – now she’ll never find me!” Angel burst into watery sobs, clinging to Bradley like a monkey.

“Oh for Pete’s sake…” Colin grumbled. He reached over Bradley’s shoulder and tickled the bottoms of Angel’s feet.

Angel shrieked. “Stop that!”

“Then let go of Bradley like a good girl.”

“Shuddap! Not..a goodgirl…” Angel yawned and turned her face into Bradley’s chest.

“I hope I find her again,” Angel said sleepily as they tucked her into bed.

“You will,” Bradley reassured her.

“I don’t wanna be like Colin…” Angel slurred, turning over on her side. “Night Brads. Col.”

Colin raised an eyebrow at Bradley, who was busy laying out water and neurofen on Angel’s nightstand.

“Well,” Colin said, turning to his friend as they stood outside Angel’s room. “She’s never boring.”

Bradley laughed. “No, I can’t say she is.”

“Am I that pathetic?” Colin asked Bradley as they climbed down the stairs.

“What?” Bradley sounded surprised.

“Angel said she didn’t want to be like me. Do I seem especially sad or something? I know I haven’t been around as much lately…”

Bradley shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Colin. She’s drunk off her arse, she won’t even remember anything come morning.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Colin, really, don’t worry about it,” Bradley said firmly. “Angel’s just being silly.”

Colin paused outside Bradley’s door.

“Everything….everything okay with you, Bradley?”

Bradley stopped and looked at Colin. “Everything’s fine, Colin. Goodnight.”

Bradley quickly stepped across the threshold into his room and closed the door behind him. He locked it and turned off the lights for good measure before leaning against the door, eyes closed, listening to Colin’s breathing outside.

Colin stayed put for a few minutes outside Bradley’s door, wondering if he should push his friend for a real answer. Finally, after minutes of silence, Colin left Bradley in peace and returned to his own room.

Bradley waited until the sounds of Colin shuffling around the hall getting ready for bed had drifted away and the house was silent. Then, finally, Bradley dropped his heads from his eyes, unlocked his door, and went to bed.


	9. July 2012, London, England

“Colin! Are you ready for Comic Con?”  
  
“Oh, of course, Katie,” Colin said, playing up his accent for the camera. “It’ll be great to meet all the fans.”  
  
Katie turned the camera onto Bradley. “Bradley, how about you? Excited for Comic Con?”  
  
“No,” Bradley pouted.  
  
Katie winked at him from behind the lens. “Why not?”  
  
“Because I have to _film_.” Bradley stuck his lip out even further. Colin bit his lip so he wouldn’t laugh and ruin the shot.  
  
“Aww, poor Bradley,” Katie cooed, ignoring Angel’s silent laughter from just outside the frame. “Maybe next time.”  
  
Bradley folded his arms and frowned at the camera like an overgrown four year old.   
  
Katie finally shut down the camera and everyone started laughing. Bradley relaxed and resumed his normal schoolboy-rugby-player stance.  
  
“Chin up, Bradley,” Colin said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Next time, I’m sure.”  
  
Bradley laughed. “I don’t envy you, mate. All those screaming fan girls.”  
  
“Ah,” Colin tried not to blush. He wasn’t particularly…fond…of all the female attention Merlin got. Who knew a skinny, uncoordinated wizard could captive so many teenage imaginations?   
  
“Maybe Zooey Deschenal will be there, Colin,” Katie teased. “Ooh, look at that blush! I should have filmed that, the fans would have loved it!”  
  
“Don’t you dare,” Colin said gruffly, rolling his water bottle between his palms and trying to cool his cheeks off with his newly chilled hands.  
  
“Goodness, Colin, you’re red as a strawberry,” Angel said, looking surprised. “I thought you were still getting over Sarah?”  
  
“Sarah’s…well, it’s fine,” Colin changed the subject. “How’s Aithusa?”  
  
“Lovely,” Angel’s face had a dreamy quality. “Beatific. Sublime. Radiant-”  
  
“Angelic,” Katie added, batting her eyes at a suddenly scowling Angel.  
  
“Are you going to see her when we’re in the States?” Colin asked to distract them.  
  
“Oh, absolutely,” Angel said. “She’s still working at the club, but I think she’ll be able to drive down for a day or so.”  
  
“Only you could have found a soulmate like that, Angel,” Bradley said. “It’s all kinds of adorable and a bit disgusting, how easy that was.”  
  
“Some people have all the luck,” Angel agreed. “I’m just lucky Aithusa is one of them.”  
  
“What’s her real name, anyway?” Colin asked.  
  
“Helena Christiana, but we don’t talk about that,” Angel said. “Aithusa, when you meet her.”  
  
“Does she use that with anyone else?” Katie asked curiously. “Aithusa, I mean.”

“Oh, everyone, Helena Christiana’s a bit of a mouthful,” Angel said. “And it doesn’t fit her.”  
  
“I suppose you’ll be meeting Daniel,” Bradley said to Katie. “Where is he now?”  
  
“He’s in Virginia,” Katie frowned. “Visiting family. He’ll ring me, but it’s clear across the country, he can’t visit.”  
  
“Shame,” Colin said. “I’d have liked to see him again.”  
  
Bradley frowned.  
  
“I’ve been meaning to set you up with Daniel’s cousin for ages,” Katie moaned. “Ugh, why can’t Comic Con be in D.C.?”  
  
Colin blushed again. “Katie, come on. I’m not over Sarah.”  
  
“Which cousin?” Angel asked curiously. “Not the dark one – Tom, right?”  
  
“No,” Katie wrinkled her nose. “Tom’s straight as an arrow, and he’s perfectly nice but a bit dim. Wouldn’t capture your interest, Colin.”  
  
“He’s quite fit, though. Shame he’s not on this side of the pond, eh, Colin?” Angel ribbed.  
  
“Well as he’s straight it’s not much of an option, is it?” Colin asked.  
  
Bradley had gone pale as a sheet, sitting hunched over in his chair next to the kitchenette.  
  
“Bradley? You all right?” Katie asked, raising an eyebrow at Angel behind Colin’s back.  
  
“’M fine. Tired.” Bradley suppressed a yawn. “Think I’ll turn in.”  
  
Colin raised an eyebrow. “It’s 9 o’clock, Brads.”  
  
“Yeah, but I’m really sleepy.” Bradley faked another yawn and found his shoes. “See you lot tomorrow. Have fun packing.”  
  
Bradley left the room.  
  
“Do you think he’s actually upset about not coming to San Diego?” Colin wondered aloud. “He never seemed to mind when it was brought it up in the meeting, but now…”  
  
“Oh, Colin!” Katie began. “How can you be so-“  
  
“Katie!” Angel interrupted fiercely. “Come on.”  
  
“But, Angel-“  
  
“Katie, what-“  
  
“ _Katherine_ ,” Angel said insistently. “ _Come on_.”  
  
Katie gave a frustrated sigh and looked between Colin and Angel once more. “Oh, fine.”  
  
Colin stared at her, bewildered. “But, Katie, what’ve I done-“  
  
“I’m not talking to you right now!” Katie called over her shoulder as she and Angel left the room. “Get some sleep, we have an early flight.”  
  
Colin stared after Angel and Katie for a second and then turned back to his empty hotel room. He picked up Bradley’s empty creamer packets and threw the remainder of Angel’s coffee in the bin. Then he picked up his phone.  
  
“ _Everything all right, mate?”  
  
“Yes. Sleep. C u 2morrow.”  
  
“Want to talk?”_  
  
Colin hung around for half an hour, packing and repacking his suitcase, before finally giving up and going to bed.  
  
Nearly four hours later, the ellipses on the iMessenger app began to animate.  
  
 _”I just wish –“_  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me –“  
  
“Who is he-“  
  
“Why-“   
  
Bradley gave up, deleted the half sent text message, and went to bed.


	10. July 2012, Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean

Colin woke up with a start.   
  
The plane around him was dark. Next to him, Angel and Katie were still up, listening to music and playing hangman by the weak light of the overhead lamp.  
  
“Katie?”  
  
“Mmm?” Katie turned around. “Oh, good, you’re up.”  
  
Angel pulled off her headphones and gave Colin a stern smile.  
  
“Am I in trouble?” Colin asked with some trepidation.  
  
“Colin, you’re an idiot,” Katie said. “Bradley is in love with you, and you’re stringing him along.”  
  
“What?!” Colin protested. “No I’m not!”  
  
“Yes, you are,” Angel interrupted. “It’s plain as day. And you owe it to Bradley to either make a move or let him down gently, because all this pining is killing him.”  
  
“No, it’s not!”  
  
“Yes, it is,” Katie continued. “And frankly, it’s killing you too.”  
  
“Now stop,” Angel continued. “Eat your mushroom, and you can have the tomato later.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Katie stared at him. “Just eat the tomato, Colin.”  
  
“Huh—?“  
  
  
Colin blinked. Sunlight was shining through the cabin windows. Next to him, Katie was snoring softly, her back pressed up against the curved plane wall. Angel was deeply asleep in the seat in front of him, held securely in the arms of a statuesque blonde who wouldn’t have looked out of place on the set of Vikings. Their chests rose and fell in unison.  
  
Colin covered his mouth with one hand to stifle a jaw-splitting yawn, and blinked rapidly. What had that dream been about?  
  
“Bradley…” he murmured. Colin opened one eye, and queued up a new text to send when they got back into range.  
  
 _Want to have dinner tonight? Just us._

 

 _  
  
Simultaneously...  
  
_ It wasn’t like Bradley didn’t know.  
  
The Forest of Dean was a bit chilly even at this time of year. Bradley zipped up his jumper and climbed over another boulder. He dug his toes into the side of the rock and levered up to sit on a low hanging branch.  
  
Colin was into guys. Colin was friends with Bradley. Bradley had been single ever since he met Colin, and Colin knew it.  
  
Whatever feelings Bradley had for Colin, it was pretty obvious that they weren’t returned.  
  
Bradley swung himself down to the path again and continued hiking along the ravine. It was so uncomfortable trying to pin a name on this feeling. It wasn’t rage or jealousy or pity or anger.  
  
It was more like – loss.  
  
And Bradley knew it wasn’t fair. Colin hadn’t given him any reason to hope, after all. This was all just Bradley, fantasizing about…well, never mind.  
  
Bradley nearly smacked into a cliff face. He shook his head and made the sharp right to follow the path towards the river.  
  
The sound of rushing water and waves greeted Bradley as he emerged from waist-height grass to a sandy bar at the edge of the river. The water was lower than last time, and Bradley knew something must be creating a dam upstream.  
  
Hopefully the barrier would hold while he crossed over.  
  
It just wasn’t fair. Bradley kicked a nearby rock and sent it flying into the waves, disappearing under the current. He wasn’t proud of it, but Bradley’s inner Arthur was screaming at the injustice of it all. Colin was his best friend.  
  
No one knew Colin like Bradley. And no one knew Bradley like Colin. All he had to do was mention fucking ice cream for god’s sake, and Colin knew something was wrong.  
  
It just wasn’t right. Colin belonged with Bradley. They belonged together.  
 _  
  
 _Several hours later...  
  
__ Colin: _ _Want to have dinner tonight? Just us._  
  
_ Bradley bit his lip. He screwed up his eyes once before opening them and turning over in bed. Dark hair was just barely visible on the pillow next to him. Bradley watched his new friend's chest rise and fall gently as he slept.   
  
Bradley looked at his companion, and then back at his phone. _  
  
_Bradley: _OK_ __  



	11. July 2012, London, England

“Morning, love.”

Bradley smiled and rolled over to drape an arm around the man next to him. “Good morning.”

“Sleep well?” 

Bradley could feel someone nuzzling his neck through the covers. He smiled and leaned into the caress. A kiss dropped on the top of his head.

“I should get up,” the voice whispered.

“Five more minutes,” Bradley ducked his head under the pillow.

“I have to go to work, love,” the voice chuckled.

“Colin…” Bradley groaned and grabbed his pillow to face plant it in his best friend’s face. The laughter died immediately.

“Sorry?” A tall rangy man with dark hair and angular features sat up in bed next to Bradley. “I’m afraid I’m not Colin, love, I’m Fred.”

Bradley stared at Fred, shell-shocked. Of course. The bar.

Fred had been absolutely lovely last night, scooping Bradley up at the third bar he’d visited and escorting him back to his hotel. It was only natural for Bradley to invite him up for coffee and a night fairly devoid of sleep.

If only Bradley could remember it.

“Um – Sorry, I – Sorry,” Bradley stammered. “You – I – Hi. Sorry about that, I…I got confused.”

“No worries, love,” Fred raised an eyebrow. “Just – one thing. This Colin, he’s not your boyfriend?”

Bradley shook his head. 

“Husband?”

“No!” Bradley looked appalled. “No, we’re just friends.”

Fred’s face cleared and he smiled a little ruefully. “Been there, done that, mate. Cheer up.” He gave Bradley a friendly slap on the arm.

“If you’re wondering what happened last night,” Fred continued, standing up to pull on his socks. “Nothing. Well, there was a lot of cuddling, and you fairly broke down in sobs at one point, but it was all high and dry for the most part. Well, minus the high.”

Bradley’s stomach felt like it might have landed somewhere around his toes. “I am so sorry.”

“Relax, mate,” Fred continued, pulling jeans over his pants (which were thankfully still on) and buttoning his shirt. “Like I said, we’ve all been there. I once puked on a queen and spent the rest of the night apologizing and sobbing into her bosom. Highly realistic it was too.”

Bradley closed his eyes and just tried to breathe through the mortification. “Did I – Did I say anything?”

“Oh, you said plenty,” Fred said cheerfully. “Nothing about this Colin, though. But then you mentioned some girl named Sarah – that bloke Colin’s bird, I’m assuming? – anyway, you mumbled something about Sarah and then you started laughing and laughing and things seemed all right there for a bit. We even made out a little towards the end.”

Bradley bit his tongue.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not a total tosser,” Fred said, getting to his feet and grabbing one shoe. “I’m not going to ring you, never worry. Have you seen the other?” Fred held out the shoe.

Bradley began scouring the floor. “No, sorry, but I’ll help you look.”

“Cheers. Least you could do, mate,” Fred teased.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Bradley jumped and hit his head against the bedframe. He stood up and rubbed the sore spot, holding Fred’s other shoe out in his hand.

“Relax.” Fred smiled. “Look, you seem like a sweet guy. If this ‘Colin’ is meant to be, then he will be. Chin up until then.”

Fred leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Bradley’s lower lip. “Good luck with your bloke, Angel-face.”

“At least let me buy you a coffee, or something,” Bradley tried, pulling on his jeans and running a hand through his hair in a semblance of neatening it. “It’s the least I can do, really.”

Fred eyed Bradley. “Yeah, all right then.”

\--

Café Nero’s coffee was just as terrible as Bradley remembered it being. Fred had been a good sort, laughing at Bradley when he tripped over the threshold (twice) and joking about how his experience as a nurse’s assistant had made him immune to classic morning after awkwardness.

“I mean, when you’ve spent all day treating bed sores and wiping arses, a hot, muscly, lad, crying into your shoulder about how his best mate’s straight really doesn’t even compare,” Fred insisted.

Bradley felt so guilty that he insisted on buying him another drink.

They parted after breakfast, and Bradley went back to pack before meeting Colin.

\--

“Why the hell do you live in Hampstead, Colin? There are perfectly nice flats in Chelsea, in Kensington…”

“Oi! I’m not made of money, you know.”

“This area is just as bad as Kensington! And you make more than I do!”

“You, my friend, simply don’t understand the lure that is Hampstead Heath.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“Ah, but you will. Once you’ve experienced 05:00 yoga on Parliament hill, with the sun coming up behind you and when the rest of the world is silent…”

Bradley snorted. “Yeah, that’s _never_ happening, mate.”

“We’ll get you out there one of these days.”

Bradley elbowed Colin. “And how would I get here? Standard cabs don’t even start running until half past.”

“Just stay over.”

“It’s a one bed flat, Col.”

“But I’m good at sharing,” Colin raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Or does big ol’ Bradley need a bed to himself?”

“We can’t all be twigs like you.” Bradley shot back, suppressing a blush. “Some of us don’t want to be knocked over in a heavy breeze.”

“It was one time!”

“Yeah, but if you were a little more solid, you could stop me from doing this!” Bradley wrapped one arm around Colin’s waist and tightened, lifting his friend up by a few inches and pinning him to his side.

“Oi! Bradley! I can walk just fine, thanks!”

“But now, you’re at my mercy,” Bradley teased, continuing to walk along with Colin plastered to his side. “I can do _anything_ I want to you.”

“Is that a threat, or a promise?” Colin asked in a low voice. Bradley looked at Colin in surprise and dropped his friend back down to the pavement.

“Ha! You’re too easy, Brads.” Colin took off running.

“Hey! Come back you!” Bradley tore after Colin, ignoring the startled looks of surrounding pedestrians.

“See? Caught you.” Bradley panted as Colin finally slowed down.

“Only because I didn’t want you to die of exhaustion,” Colin teased. He wasn’t even breathing hard.

“Oh this is not fair,” Bradley protested. “You make me chase you for over a mile –“

“It was barely 400 meters, Brads.”

“Nearly break my neck trying to catch you –“

“No one _asked_ you to try and jump over that rock.”

“And now you’re not even out of breath? What are you, some kind of half cyborg?”

“Only half?” Colin joked. 

“Well, I’ve seen you cry. No cyborg could have filmed that last Merlin scene.”

“That was pretty heartbreaking,” Colin agreed, slowing down a little so Bradley could finish catching his breath. “You weren’t half bad yourself. I couldn’t have reacted like that if you hadn’t looked so – real. Dead, I mean.”

“Thank you. I’ll have Ruth put it on my C.V. – ‘Makes very convincing corpse.’”

“While you’re at it, can you convince her to take ‘good general fitness’ off of my CV?” Colin joked. “It makes me sound like a complete nutter.”

“Well, you are fit,” Bradley said, looking Colin up and down. “And you’re not a very physical actor, you know, in the traditional Hollywood kind of way. So I can see why she thinks it’s important.”

“It still makes me feel like a skinny twit gasping for CV fillers,” Colin grumbled.

“Oh, please. Your CV is twice as impressive as everyone else’s; I don’t want to hear it,” Bradley said dismissively. “Mark my words. Now everything’s wrapped, you’re going to have more work than you know what to do with.”

“So will you,” Colin said easily.

“Maybe.” Bradley changed the subject. “So where should we go for dinner?”

“It’s rather early, Mr. I-showed-up-at-1600-for-a-dinner-invitation,” Colin teased. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I haven’t seen much of you lately,” Bradley said.

“Aww, did you miss me, Brads?” Colin batted his eyelashes theatrically.

“Yes.”

Colin blinked. “Well, I missed you too.”

Colin stuck his hands in his pockets and matched pace with Bradley. “So what’s on schedule for you next?”

Bradley bit his lip. “Nothing now.”

“But you’re auditioning?”

“Maybe.”

Colin raised an eyebrow. “So you’re waiting to hear back, then?”

Bradley turned his head away.

“Bradley?”

“I auditioned for one or two things.” Bradley said.

“So I’m sure you’ll get them! You’re a brilliant actor.”

“Mmm.”

“What?”

“So what’s around here?” Bradley asked, speeding up to get to a clutch of shops. “Any local delicacies I just have to try?”

“Bradley, what the hell is the matter with you? You’re a great actor, and if you don’t have anything yet, something will turn up.”

“Yeah, see, the thing is, I’m not.” Bradley turned on his heel to face Colin, squaring his shoulders.

“Not what? A good actor? Yes, you are, you dolt.” Colin looked puzzled. “Where is this coming from? Ruth’s one of your biggest fans, she’d never let you get away with this rubbish.”

“It’s just – I don’t know if acting is my ‘calling’ or whatever.” Bradley fiddled with the sunglasses hanging from his shirt collar.

“Well…” Colin tried to make eye contact with Bradley. “Is there something else you want to do instead?”

“No! No, just…” Bradley looked over Colin’s head and spotted a sign for The Freemasons Arms. “This is the closest thing you have to a local, yeah? Let’s go eat, I’m starving, even if it is only 1800.”

“How American of you,” Colin teased. “No tea, eating at 6…”

“I did live there for a while, you know,” Bradley pointed out.

“Yeah, but you’re an English lad through and through, mate,” Colin said, clapping a hand on Bradley’s shoulder and leading the way into the pub.

“Good god, Colin, what do you eat here?” Bradley asked when they sat down. “Every bloody thing’s got meat or dairy in it.”

“I make do,” Colin said mildly. “They know what I like, and what I can eat.”

“Colin!” A vaguely familiar face with curly dark hair and a North Irish accent came up to the table. “Mate, it’s been an age! How are you?”

“Well, Fred, thanks. And yourself?”

_Oh gods._

Bradley glanced down quickly, hoping to escape recognition. No such luck.

“Bradley? Is that you?”

Bradley looked up.

“Bradley!” Fred reached into the booth to give Bradley a warm hug. “Mate, how are you? How do you know Colin? Oh, Colin!” Fred’s eyes lit up. 

“You two know each other?” Colin looked back and forth between them, confused.

“Briefly,” Bradley said. 

“We met last night,” Fred explained. “Bradley here was pissed out of his mind, and I got him sorted.”

“Really?” An evil grin spread over Colin’s face. “Bradley didn’t say.”

“Ah, well, you know, old fashioned lad piss-up,” Bradley said, trying to change the subject.

“Really? And who were the ‘lads’ this time?” Colin asked too-innocently.

“Err…well, there was Fred!” Bradley said gesturing towards Fred. Colin didn’t even try to muffle his snort of laughter.

“Right. Drinking alone, then, Bradley, how sad,” Colin pulled a face. “You should have called, I would have come over.”

“You got off a plane at 1 this morning, you idiot.”

“Oh, right.” Colin thought. “Well, I hope you had a good time. Let off some steam, then?”

“I’ll say,” Fred interrupted, winking exaggeratedly at Bradley. Bradley felt his face drain of color.

Colin laughed. “Well, good on you mate. Fred, how’s your mum doing?”

“She’s good, thanks for asking. I’m going up to see her next week.”

“Give my love to Belfast, I miss it. This time of year was always my favorite.” Colin said wistfully.

“All you have to do it come home, mate, the lads’ll be roaring to see you.”

“I will. I’ve got some projects lined up for the fall, but I’ll try and come before then. Tell Mac I’ll look him up.”

“Of course, cheers mate. Well, I was just about done with my shift when you both arrived, but I’m going to leave you in Rose’s very capable hands,” Fred shook hands with Bradley and hugged Colin before bowing out and letting a pretty redhead begin the service.

“What can I get you both?”

“Pint of Fosters, please,” Bradley said. 

“Just the usual,” Colin said. He flashed a smile at Rose. “Lovely to see you again, Rose.”

“And you too, Mr. Colin,” Rose dimpled. “I’ll be back in a mo.”

Bradley lifted one eyebrow at Colin. “Do you do that on purpose?”

“What?”

“Flirt with everything that moves.”

“What? No, that’s just Rose! I’ve known her since I moved to Hampstead.”

“Oh, really. _Just Rose_ ,” Bradley drawled. “Come now, Colin, her face practically matched her hair by the time you were finished with her.”

“I barely said two sentences to her!” Colin protested.

“Exactly.”

Rose set down their drinks and looked at Colin, who gave her a warm smile in return. She blushed to the roots of her hair and scurried off.

Colin looked at Bradley and resisted the urge to wipe the smirk off his face.

“Wow, she must really like you,” Bradley joked. “That, or all your jokes about Jameson were a lot more fact than fiction than I ever suspected.”

Colin looked down at the table and groaned. “Not _again_.”

“They give you free whiskey here? I should visit more often…” Bradley commented.

“That, you heathen, is four shots of finest Scottish single-malt Glenfidditch, and no, it’s not free. It means that Rose paid for all four pours out of her employee allowance and I can’t return them.” Colin put his head down on the table and sighed. “She’d be so offended. And I can’t drink tonight, Glenfidditch makes me absolutely barmy.”

Bradley smirked. “See, if you were larger than a medium-sized twig, you wouldn’t have that problem.”

“Ha ha.” Colin glared at Bradley. “You drink them, then.”

“Oh, but what would Rose say?” Bradley teased.

“That I’m a polite Irish boy who’s Mum raised him to share with his guests. Now drink, boyo.” Colin deepened his accent almost to the point of incomprehension. Bradley picked up a shot and toasted Colin with it.

“Cheers, mate.”

Bradley downed the first shot, then picked up another.

Colin raised his eyebrows at Bradley and propped his chin up on one fist. “That’s quite a lot of whiskey Bradley.”

“No, I’ve still got two more.” Bradley picked up one of the remaining shots, and Colin gently wrapped his fingers around the glass. “Maybe wait a bit before finishing, Bradley.”

“Mmk.” Bradley looked at Colin and smiled. Colin shook his head.

“Let’s talk about you, Bradley.”

“What?”

“Why did you say that acting wasn’t your ‘calling’?”

Bradley shrugged. His eyes immediately dropped to the table. “Just not sure if it’s right for me, that’s all.”

“We’ve been working on Merlin for five years. You’ve been acting professionally since 2006. You went to Drama School for pity’s sake; what on earth do you think you should be doing if not acting?”

Bradley sighed. Colin kicked him under the table.

“Ow!” Bradley rubbed his shin. “Okay, fine. The reason I’m thinking of giving up acting is because I’m not good at it, Colin! No, don’t say anything – just give me a minute.”

Colin pursed his lips.

“Acting is something you’re amazing at. You’ve wanted to do it your whole life. Me – I’m just a nameless kid from Camden, who fancied the girl in the school play. I like watching sport and playing footie and yeah, I like acting too. But I don’t live it like you do. You _are_ Merlin. And I’m just – I’m not.”

Colin opened and closed his mouth several times. He swallowed a scream of frustration and sat up suddenly.

“Bradley James Gregory, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Colin said quietly. “You are an amazing, talented actor. Yes, you got into it because you fancied a girl and you like footie and sport and if you want to be a footballer, I say go for it! But do it because you love it. Don’t just try and give up something you’re good at because you’re feeling inadequate for no apparent reason all of a sudden.”

Bradley sighed and leaned his forehead against his hands.

“Is this just because Merlin finished? Because you’re going to find another long-term role, Brads. We both got lucky right out of the gate with Merlin, but it’ll happen again, and sooner than you think, you’ll see.”

“YOU got lucky with Merlin! I got a fucking MIRACLE, Colin!” Bradley burst out, heedless of the eyes that had turned in their direction. “I’m not good enough! I never was, and now the world knows it! After five years of comparing me to you, after five _damn_ years of you showing me up, the whole world finally understands that Arthur was just the straight man, the funny guy they provided so it wasn’t just another show about a boy wizard. I’m a cut-out, Colin! They could have gotten any other blond actor to play Arthur, and you know what? They should have, because _it bloody well wouldn’t have made any difference_!!!”

The whole pub fell silent. Colin gestured to Rose and stood up.

“Here,” Colin said, pressing a fifty quid note into her palm. “I’m really sorry about all this. We’re leaving, and I’ll see you on Friday, yeah?”

Rose nodded once, her large eyes never leaving Colin’s face.

“Thanks Rosie.” Colin smiled at her, grabbed a shaky Bradley by the arm, and pulled him out of the pub.

When they were out on the street, Colin rounded on Bradley.

“Don’t you dare ever say anything like that again, Bradley James,” Colin said fiercely, grasping Bradley’s neck with one hand. “You are amazing, brilliant, and talented, and there is no one else on this earth I would even think about doing Merlin with. You are warm, spontaneous, and funny, and without you, Merlin wouldn’t even have made it off the ground, let alone the glorious five years we’ve all shared together. Never let me hear you say something like that again.” Colin let go of Bradley’s neck, hauled him close by his shirt lapels, and kissed him.

For one brief, shining, moment, Bradley closed his eyes. He rose up on his toes, wrapped his arms around Colin, and kissed the man he loved – had loved for so long.

“Colin…” Bradley murmured when they broke apart. Colin didn’t seem to hear him.

“And if you _ever_ ,” Colin continued, eyes blazing into Bradley’s, “say anything like that again, I’m going to deck you. Or make you get up at 0430 for yoga. Either way, not pretty.”

Bradley chuckled and slumped against his friend. “Okay, Col.”

“Let’s get you home.” Colin wrapped an arm around Bradley’s waist, and supported him back down the street to Colin’s flat.

“You’re too drunk tonight to do much,” Colin said, dumping Bradley onto the bed and pulling his shoes off. “But there’s always tomorrow, Brads.”

Bradley smiled and held out his arms. “Come here.”

Colin climbed up the bed and cuddled into Bradley’s arms. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Colin,” Bradley gently traced Colin’s nose with his thumb, forefinger, and then pinky. “You’re so beautiful.”

Colin smiled and leaned over to tickle Bradley’s neck with his beard. “You are too, Bradley.”

“No, you’re really, really beautiful,” Bradley insisted. “I like your eyes.”

“Thank you, Bradley,” Colin laughed again. “You have nice eyes too. Now go to sleep, yeah?”

“Mmm.”

“Bradley? Can I have my arm back now?”

Bradley closed his eyes and shook his head. “My arm now.”

Colin laughed and rearranged himself so his shoulder wasn’t wrenched out of its socket. “Goodnight, Bradley.”

Colin kicked his way under the blankets and settled down to rest on Bradley’s chest.

“Colin?”

“Yes, Bradley?”

“I meant it, you know.”

“What?”

“You made me – You showed me –“ Bradley yawned. “You showed me why I can’t be an actor.”

“What?” Colin sat up, alert.

“Night, Colin.” Bradley started snoring softly.

\--

“Oh good, you’re up.” Colin walked into the flat, rubbing a towel over his hair. “Good sleep?”

“Marvelous, thanks,” Bradley said, standing up and stretching. “God, I was so pissed last night. I’m sorry about that.”

“S’alright.” Colin finished drying his hair and spread the towel over the back of the sofa. “We need to talk.”

Bradley’s face fell.

“Last night, you said some things…” Colin bit his lip. “Things that concerned me. Things about us. About me and you.”

Bradley stiffened. Colin continued.

“Bradley, have I made you feel inadequate somehow?”

“No.” Bradley said immediately, puzzled.

Colin’s face still looked troubled. “Because last night you kept saying all these things about how I showed you why you shouldn’t be an actor and how my performance as Merlin somehow degraded your Arthur and how you want to quit acting...”

“Ah.” Bradley looked at his shoes.

“So it’s true.” Colin said flatly, watching Bradley avoid his gaze. “It wasn’t just the drink. You really do feel like I make you worse.”

“No! No, Colin, you make me better!” Bradley looked up suddenly. “It’s just – watching you, I realized – Watching you made me see how acting’s supposed to be. You’re supposed to wake up every day excited for your job, you’re supposed to read scripts over and over and take 50 pages of notes, and not just memorize lines and hope you’ve said them the best you could.”

“Bradley, I’ve _seen_ you on set. Unless you’re putting it on, in which case you’re doing a bang up job of acting, you _are_ excited to wake up every day and film. You get excited about every scene, and you might not read the scripts over and over but you love them.”

“I _like_ acting,” Bradley clarified. “I’m just not great at it, and acting’s one profession where you have to be great in order to continue.”

“But you are great, Bradley!” Colin burst out, exasperated. “I don’t understand where this is coming from!”

“I’ll never be like you, okay!” Bradley shot back. “I’ll never have that kind of – that introspection, that earnestness.”

“But you don’t have to! Don’t you see, Bradley, you’re a physical actor, you don’t have to be like me!”

“But everyone who ever watches Merlin, the one great opportunity of my life, is going to look at me, and then immediately look at you right beside me, and it’s going to be obvious which one they pick.” Bradley cried. “I mean, it’s happening all ready. Do you know how many auditions I’ve gotten this year, Colin? Zero. ZERO. Null. Nada. And how many have you gotten?”

Colin opened his mouth to reply, but Bradley beat him to it.

“Quirke. Only Lovers Left Alive. The Tempest. Out of Darkness. Pirate Fairy. The Hollow Crown. Les Mis. Richard III. Humans. The-“

“All right, that’s enough,” Colin said, cheeks flaming. “Those things are luck, Bradley. Luck and skill, but mostly luck.”

“No.” Bradley stared at Colin. “It’s not luck. It is pure, insoluble talent, and I don’t have it. And standing next to you for five years has only shown the world how badly I measure up.”

Colin stared at Bradley.

“Get out.” Colin heard himself say.

“What?” Bradley looked confused.

“Get out of my house.” Bradley stood stock still for a moment, confused.

“You do not get to walk in here, judge every aspect of my life, have a temper tantrum in full view of all my neighbors, and then top it all off by telling me that I’ve ruined your career just because I’m _good_ at my job, and you’ve got some kind of inferiority complex. Get. Out.”

Bradley looked at Colin, picked up his wallet and keys from the counter, and left.

Colin heard the door shut behind him and slunk down to the floor. He rested his back against the oven and looked around the tiny kitchen.

Suitcases lay piled up by the door. The towel Colin had left on the sofa was soaking through. Bradley’s teacup was sitting on the counter.

Bradley – 

Colin covered his face with his hands and burst into tears.


End file.
